Hope&&Love is all I ask for,

Why is it that just one person makes me angry?

Just one?

And it happens to be my sister, Alex.

I don't understand it, but yet I do. Ya know? I blow up in her face when she's actually trying to be nice, but then I yell at her when she does something terrible. Why can't I be nice when she's nice, and nice when she's mean? Can't I do both?

For example, the other day I went in the shower and left Medium on so when I got out I could just rewind the parts I missed. But when I got out Alex was watching the Bachelor. I don't know why'd anybody would watch that, but apparently Alex liked it. Anyway, I completely blew up in her face and wouldn't even accept her many apologies. I don't even like Medium that much. For once Alex was actually apologizing for something and I was the mean one. I should have just let it go, but I didn't and I felt terrible about it afterwords.

Then, Alex will borrow my clothes without permission and I just let it slide, but if I dare borrow anything of hers, then I have hell to pay. What is that about? She's the biggest hypocrite I know and she doesn't even realize it most times. Sometimes I get so mad at her. Borrowing my stuff isn't that big of deal, but I just yell and yell and yell. I think I yell because I want her to feel sorry for things she does and to realize that sometimes she hurts people. She doesn't even listen to me; she just laughs. I don't know why I waste my breath; she's just going to do it again.

I hate it when I get angry. I end up saying things I don't mean and turn into a horrible person. I hate being like that. I hate becoming that person. That person where I blow up because Alex makes a snide remark and then I end up getting everyone in a bad mood. And it's only her that makes me become that person. I hate it and I know it's not all of Alex's fault.

But then some days I want to be her best friend. I just want to be accepted by her and not have her feel embarrassed by me. Sometimes I do it just because I feel that's what a sister does. I mean I make her lunch everyday, I fix her papers, I let her use my stuff, etc. She doesn't do much for me, but I still do those things I think because she's my sister and I love her. That will never change. There are these little moments that are so tiny that you almost miss them, but in those moments I realize why I love her, not just as a sister, but as a person. I just need to look more.

I guess I'm just writing to get it all out and to figure why I get so angry with her. But yet still put up with it. I just need to not be so quick to anger. I want to be filled with hope and love, not anger and hate. I want to be able to look pass little things and maybe even big things.

I just need to remember that God is love.